Holy cow, can you believe its April already?  A new month and a new Tank Talk, will wonders every cease?  Anyway, I've sat down to do the Tank Talk early this month partly to eradicate the theme song from the Facts of Life which somehow got stuck in my head today.  What a horrible and heinous era for television.  That show alone has destroyed a generation’s ability to form rational thought…I still have nightmares about being Mrs. Garrett’s cabana boy.  But I digress.  The primary reason for the T-Talk early addition was commit to text, some of the events surrounding the Kittyhawk’s most recent adventure to Belize ….Believe me, an adventure it truly was.

Rest assured the four club members participating in the cruise upheld all the Kittyhawk’s values and ethics in its truest forms.  If I were to sum up our group’s character in three words, they would include:  Grace, Style and Conservationism.  Your collective hearts should swell with pride knowing that Steve, Randy, Lisa, and I left an indelible mark in the minds of the crew and passengers of the Nekton and our Club’s reputation for protecting the reef and its wildlife remains solidly intact.  The pride, dedication and diving professionalism exemplified by this group sets a new benchmark not only for the Kittyhawks to sustain, but lays the foundation for every other scuba club to emulate.  I hold my head high knowing that I’m a member of the Kittyhawk scuba club and cannot find the words to express how proud I am that we had the opportunity to represent our club aboard the Nekton Pilot and foster a continuing friendly relationship with Delta Airlines.   I only hope I can choke back the tears long enough….

Ha, if you believe that, you have the cognitive capacity of a tube sponge.  The truth of the matter is we came, we saw -- we kicked shark and tunicate ass!   We’ll be lucky to be allowed to go another reef let alone Belize .  The trip started off normal enough.  We met at the airport at O-dark thirty and climbed aboard a jet bound for Belize .  The trip down went off without a hitch and we arrived at Belize City Airport ready for adventure.  Prior to heading to the boat we decided to fill our tummies at a hotel’s restaurant.  Thanks to our waiter’s attentiveness and cow-like reflexes, we got food in record time…I’m being sarcastic here.  Steve got some scary looking deep fried fish with head and tail still attached.  He ate it so it proves he’s much braver than I when it comes to the local cuisine…that says a lot.  After our world class dinning affair we boarded a van for the boat.  However, before getting to the dock we stopped at the store to pick up the necessary nautical supplies…aka beer and rum.   I think the country’s GDP climbed 4 percent in the wake of our club's purchase. 

We finally arrived at the Nekton Pilot where we were welcomed by the crew and had opportunity to meet the other guests.  Name tags were promptly placed upon our chests, our pictures taken, and rooms were assigned.  We quickly shed our shoes and settled into our new groove for the week…laid back and relaxed.  Shortly thereafter, the crew released the boat’s mooring lines and we were underway.  We headed off into the night northward bound for Lighthouse Key much to Randy’s dismay.  He had hoped we venture south but the weather gods directed otherwise.  But we were all happy to be moving as that meant we’ll be diving soon. 

Our accommodations were spacious for live aboard standards, at least that’s what Steve told me.  The beds were cozy and comfortable.  However, the first night I had to sleep in the wet spot.  Now before you get your dirty little minds churning, the metal ceiling tiles caused water to condense and strategically drip at the most annoying spot.  Poor Lisa was chased from her room at one point after enduring a Chinese water torture.  All in all, the fit and function of the boat’s amenities are diver friendly and there is plenty of room to stretch one’s legs.  Since it was diver oriented and comfortable, it did not take us long to settle in and get adjusted to our new surroundings.

We woke to find ourselves under sunny skies and floating atop blue water.  After a hearty breakfast we were soon indoctrinated in what will be come our daily routine for the coming week, a blissful array of eating, diving, eating, diving…well, you get the picture.  What more could one possibly ask for in life?  It only takes a matter of hours before one quickly gets spoiled under these conditions.  Where else can one kick off a day with a splendid morning dive and returned to the boat to munch on hot, delectable cookies while doing your surface interval.  Other dives were followed by generously proportioned meals of which were equal to or better than restaurant quality.   Hmm, with other dive operations I was happy to get a friggen hot dog.  I know now what I was missing.  I have seen the light!  Oh, have I seen the light!

Now that brings me to the most important aspect of this trip -- the diving.   The boat was good, the food was great, but the diving was even better.  After my last 30 or so dives in cold brackish water, it was an absolute joy to splash in water in which one finds themselves floating above an undersea vista where one can see for what seems like forever.  The senses quickly overwhelmed with site of the reef filled with marine life, fellow divers, and a wall plunging straight down into a void of blue-black water.  There is none of the anxiety normally associated with jumping in the chilly murky lake water, just a sense of excitement knowing that this is one of many awesome dives we’d encounter over the coming week. The added thrill of seeing things that one could not possibly describe to someone who’s never dove.  And enjoying the feeling of a peaceful, weightless solitude while also enjoying the company of others…seems odd but it’s true.   That first dive set the tone for the remaining dives of our cruise… gorgeous.  We’d soon get intimately acquainted with sites such as Painted Wall, Dolphin Pass , Aquarium, and many others that are now forever burned into our memory.

For the most part, our dive profiles remained consistent throughout the week.   We descended down the wall and swam along it for about 15 minutes and then ascended to the top of the reef for the return swim.  Since we were diving with 95 cubes, we had plenty of time to mill about the underside of the boat before surfacing.  On the subsequent dives at a particular site, we’d repeat the profile in the opposite direction.  We encountered minimal current and the occasional reduction in vis.  Reef life was abundant and we saw plenty of the standard fair of Caribbean species.  One particular highlight included Lisa and Cal (honorary Kittyhawk) coming across a batfish.  According to the boat’s crew, the batfish was previously not thought to inhabit those waters.  Thanks to Cal for snapping a picture to prove the claim.  Typically we’d do four dives during the day and would do a night dive if it tickled our fancy.  We definitely had plenty of opportunity to burn off all those calories we consumed during the day.

We certainly encountered our fair share of turtles and eels this trip.  We ran into what seemed like a huge number of turtles in our dives…more than I’ve seen on previous trips.  Good old Randy could not keep his hands off one of them…all the turtle touching and groping was a bit egregious and scandalous.  It looked as if he was reenacting testimony from the Michael Jackson trial.  Keeping ones hands to ourselves is apparently not part of the Kittyhawk bylaws.  Poor little guy, he’ll probably will spend months in turtle therapy, to embarrassed to talk, having to show the therapist where Randy touched him on some little stuffed turtle doll…Tippy Turtle, can you show me where the bad man touched you?

Another exciting encounter included a head on intercept with an eagle ray.  As the he drew closer to our party he nosed down and started diving downward towards deeper water.  Steve with camera in hand did a half roll and followed in pursuit.  I too joined the chase.  We chased him down to about 100 feet before he leveled off for a bit and then bolted upward shortly thereafter.  Not before Steve lined him up in his sights and got some great footage. 

One of the more memorable highlights involved an assault on a nurse shark.  The first hint of a something exciting nearby came when Randy signaled he found something by using his hands to form a pyramid atop his head.  We knew he found a shark of some type by his sign lanugage.  We followed Randy to where his discovery lay.  As we got closer we could make out the distinctive shape of a nurse shark’s tail poking out of a hole…he was a big fella!  Steve, ever ready to shoot video, came in close for a tight shot.  Mr. Nurse shark took off to bolt out the other side of the hole…basically it was a tunnel-like structure in the reef.  Steve was hoping he shoot out of the other side and he’d get video off him swimming in open water.  Well, the shark was smarter than that.  Instead of coming out the other side, he did a U-turn and parked himself on the sand inside the tunnel.  Unfortunately for Mr Shark, there was a third hole in the reef…one in the ceiling where we can look down on him sitting in the sand.

So there we were; hovering over a hole looking down on this motionless shark…just trying to mind his own business, make a living, perhaps wait for his girlfriend to come along before taking her out for dinner.  Well to Steve, that just was not good enough for his video production.  As a videographer, his mission is to capture wildlife interacting in and with its environment.  If it doesn’t interact with some degree of animation…he’ll make it do so with an external stimulus.  Others may have chosen another, gentler means, but Steve learned long ago that nothing solves life’s little problems like throwing a big F-en rock.  A simple but effective concept: If an animal does not perform to one’s satisfaction, use some form of projectile, preferably one with adequate mass to achieve speed and distance, to motivate that animal’s behavior.  In layman’s terms…throw a rock at it.   

Steve picked up a rock and dropped it…miss.  Picked up another and dropped it…miss.  The third time always being the charm, Steve tried again. (Really it was a small piece of dead coral..no harm done to the shark other than is pride)    This time he found his mark but the shark did not budge much to his chagrin.  However, a short time later he bolted out of the hole and made his escape.  It made for great video and I look forward to the final production.  The moral of this story…don’t mess with Steve unless you want the be-jesus knocked out of you with a rock!  I tell you between turtle fondling and medieval shark stoning, the Kittyhawks were well on the way to become full fledged eco-terrorists.  Fret not dear club members, we’d soon graduate and earn that moniker a short time later.

Just when you thought we can’t do anything more to endear ourselves to the local habitat, another Kittyhawk manic moment comes into the fold.  This one involves our dear Dr. L and a colony of tunicates.   A day or so before the international incident erupted, we were treated to a presentation on tunicates by one of the dive masters.  Paul’s briefing provided a detailed account of various types of tunicates, where to find them, and most importantly, how to distinguish them from sponges.  He informed us that by waving one’s hand and creating water movement it will cause the opening of the tube like structure to react and close.  If it closes rapidly, such as a mouth closing, it is a telltale sign of a tunicate.  He neglected, however, to inform us that a GENTLE wave is all that is required to administrate this test.   Armed with test procedures, Lisa was prepared to find and identify tunicates.  She came upon a suspect colony in no time at all and set off to put Paul’s theory into practice.

With all the force and random destruction of a tsunami, Dr L’s hand waving fell upon the hapless colony of tunicates.  They did their best to cling to their anchorage, desperately trying to remain attached to the home they’ve known and loved for so long; a little slice of the ocean where they staked a claim to raise future generations of tunicates…a dream swept away.  It was all over with a single wave of a hand…a tunicate society forever changed by a visit from the Kittyhawk Scuba Club and Lisa’s five fingers of the apocalypse.  I was just over the top of the reef when I heard it…a very faint but high pitch squeal.  I’m sure it was the sound of tiny tunicate screams as they were dislodged from their home only to sink into the deep ocean abyss.  Once again we made our mark upon a distant, unsuspecting, Belizean reef.

You may inquire as to what I was doing the entire week.  Well as your club president, I did my best to retain a chaste and respectable presents free from the wanton carnage and destruction exhibited by my comrades.  I spent my days formulating fund raising plans to help the local orphans get access to decent education, developing community programs to assist the locals refrain from the evils of drugs and prostitution, and never, I repeat never, did I once think about Harmony’s butterfly tattoo in an impure manner…a gentle, silky winged butterfly nestled so tenderly between a pair of soft, ample bosoms.  Its colorful wings spread across buttery tanned skin glistening with beads of sweat formed from working in the morning sun.   So delicately stirred by the rocking motion of the boat causing the butterfly to rhythmically sway to and fro in concert with the waves, a hypnotic movement stirring one’s ….OK, so I’m a liar!

The saying that all good things must come to an end is painfully true.  Before we knew it, our last day on the boat had arrived and we made ready for our return trip home.  We exchanged addresses, said goodbyes and tossed in some final quips on Laura’s Corona bikini.   It certainly was a fun week.  We could not ask for a better boat and crew.  The diving was tremendous.  But now it was time to go home.  However, little did we know our adventures were not yet over just yet.   We soon have a run it with Delta Airlines.

It seemed getting home was a lot more difficult than originally anticipated.  We were late departing Belize city and required to land in Cancun some 46 minutes away…not for weather, not for maintenance, not even for unruly passengers.  We were forced to undertake a lengthy stop so that Delta could purchase jet fuel at a lower cost.  Its one thing to be economy minded but another when those decisions forces most of the passengers to miss their connections.   This prompted a battle with Delta Airlines.  We waited through four different lines and watched Steve attempting to negotiate with several less-than helpful Delta employees…it was a magic spectacle to watch.  Steve was able to craft an array of words and sentences basically calling the agent and Delta a bunch of incompetent morons without using those actual words…twas a thing of beauty.   But to make a long story short, after being royally screwed by Delta, we ended up spending the night in Atlanta and returned to Dayton in the morning. 

We set off for an adventure and we found one!  This will certainly be one of the more memorable vacations I had.  I had opportunity to see yet another country, eco-terrorists in action, and our mascot, Scuba Steve, get some serious action.   I’m already looking forward to another trip…hopefully with more of the club going. 

Sorry for the extra long & rather verbose version of the Tank Talk…just wanted to fill you in on our activities while flying the Kittyhawk banner.  We hope we did not tarnish our rep too badly…hmm, somehow, I think that’s unlikely.  We’ll cover all the normal Tank Talk stuff at the meeting.  

C YA there.

JC